I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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