If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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