I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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