hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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