Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
