Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
