WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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