Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This is classic penis vs brain.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
