The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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