Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
