Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He passed out mid-signature
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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