Porn is love you can see.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
