how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize