matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
