how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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