The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
