hotel room ftw
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
