considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
