Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
