i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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