I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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