i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
