Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Shame is for Republicans.
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