i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Edward fifth and chaser hands
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
