there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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