I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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