At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
