dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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