we're blogging at a bar
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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