R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
