...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
