is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
