FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
