can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
