new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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