I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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