i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
