I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
