just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
