I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
