Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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