Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
