Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sorry about my life...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
