Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
