After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
