the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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