WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
