I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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