I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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