He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize