you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
