She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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