So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
