Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
