Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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