What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
