How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize