It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we made out on top of his cat.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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