its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
