Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize