did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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