you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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