if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hippo gnu deer
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
