youre lurking in front of me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
