Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
