so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
