1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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