2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize