you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
fuck your aforementioned shoe
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
