My liver just broke up with me...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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