my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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