the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
