The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
