someone get that fucking seahorse.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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