Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
