Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
