My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Randomize
