I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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