She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
