They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
