Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
