I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
