I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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