i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
