oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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