DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
