I CAN MOONWALK!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
