He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
