When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Your cock deserves a montage
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
