I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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